Proud to be an American

 

I couldn’t disagree more with most of Barack’s policies, but as I watched him give his acceptance speech tonight I found myself beaming with pride to be an American.  He is an incredibly impressive man who has accomplished the unthinkable.  This is a good day for America.

 

The New Lexicon

 

We’ve all heard of the New Math where people redefine long standing mathematical laws.  It has become apparent to me that Washington is in the process of creating a New Lexicon and is redefining words and phrases to mean something completely different than what the rest of the world recognizes.  But not to worry, I’ve been paying close attention and will decipher it for you here.  Just consult this friendly guide whenever you see someone pounding their fist and spewing populist blather and you’ll easily be able to understand what they really mean:

 

“Bailout program” – Buying assets from financial firms at well below any reasonable market rate and then loaning those same firms money at well above current market rates.

 

“Help for Main Street” – Giving money to people who default on their mortgage and in so doing creating a massive, nation-wide incentive program to default on your mortgage.

 

“Budget cuts” – Reducing the spending increase from 10% to an increase of 8% in any given year.

 

“Giveaways to the rich” – Taking (at gunpoint) slightly less money from the 5% of Americans who create 90% of the jobs and will continue to pay 60% of the taxes.

 

“Stimulus package” – Sending checks to people who haven’t paid income taxes in years.

 

“Regulation is needed” – The massive amounts of regulation already in place only served to screw things up so that must mean we need more regulation.

My 7 essential laws of being a Dad – Law #5

5.        Be sure to negotiate.

 

I know, I know – I just said not to.  So don’t negotiate when it comes to misbehavior, but do negotiate when your child wants something from you.  A lot of parents will disagree with me on this one, but I don’t want to raise obedient little robots, I want to raise individuals who will think for themselves and challenge the status quo.  I don’t want my children to blindly follow along with the rules, but rather to question, ask why, bust down a wall every once in a while just to see what’s on the other side. 

 

This is a valiant effort, but I’ll warn you – it’s not for the faint of heart.  Blind obedience is much easier on the parent.  Encouraging the periodic (respectful) uprising can be a real pain in the neck.  But it’s the path I’ve chosen, so I truly encourage my kids to question, negotiate, pander and sweet talk.  Anything they can do with their words to talk me out of or into something is fair game.  This keeps me on my toes, helps them to understand that there is a proper way to get what you want (whining instantly gets a “no” in our household) and hopefully in the long run will create smart people who won’t just go along with the crowd.

 

And along with this tactic, I have instilled a safe word – and this is important.  When I’m done negotiating a particular topic I can simply say, “no, and that’s my final answer” and the negotiations cease.  Without that, I’m sure I would have been hauled off to the nut house years ago (it is a proven fact that kids have much more stamina than an adult).  So tread carefully here, but my money is on the kid who knows how to use his words properly and persuasively by the time they become an adult.

A capitalist perspective on the financial crisis

A capitalist (otherwise known as the correct) perspective on the financial crisis.  Check out what the Economist has to say.

This perfectly sums up so much

It’s not quite as bad as it seems.  For the video of this, see:

Atlas Shrugged

It is remarkable to me that the people who helped get our country (and now our world) into this mess are the very same people who are screaming that it was simply Wall Street greed that got us here. There is plenty of blame to go around in this crisis, but let’s not forget that just a few years ago government backed entities (and the government itself) told the rest of the world that the rules had changed and that home loans had become “riskless”.

Early in the decade if you found yourself competing with the GSEs Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac (as did IndyMac, and all the major Wall Street investment banks) or selling to the GSEs (as did Washington Mutual, Countrywide and Wachovia) then that meant you had to react to the “new rules”. These new rules would be enough to make any loan underwriter from the 1980’s cringe. They undercut all three of the basic principles of underwriting. First, credit score quality was slackened; according to the new rules past performance of repayment was no longer an indication of future behavior. Second, loan to value ratios were ratcheted up beyond 100%; according to the new rules housing values would forever climb so we no longer need to worry about home equity or leverage ratios. And finally, income ratio requirements were loosened or ignored altogether; the new rules decided that the old rule that only 1/3^rd of a person’s income should go toward paying for their home mortgage didn’t pertain any longer and now consumers should be able to spend 50% or even 60% on their home.

This thinking was hopeful, well intentioned and silly. We might as well jump off a tall building hoping that the rules of gravity will lesson before the ground arrives.

Watch this video and remind yourself that the blame for his mess goes well beyond Wall Street:

My 7 essential laws of being a Dad – Law #4

4.  Don’t negotiate.

I tend to cringe when I hear parents do the “either/or” thing (especially when it comes out of my own mouth). Typically it goes something like this, “Stop pestering your sister or I’ll take away your iPhone for the rest of the day.”

What happened to just simply expecting your son to not pester his sister? And do you really want to provide him that choice? When I mess up and use this flawed tactic I tend to see my kids to the math in their head, “Hmmm, so the cost of this behavior is a missing iPhone for the day…sounds like a fair deal to me.” NOT OKAY. You are the parent. You are (or at least should be) in charge. Don’t diminish your authority by relinquishing the decision making to an 8 year old. When I’m doing this right, I simply ask for the pestering to stop and if it doesn’t then I dole out my punishment. “Because you did this when you knew it wasn’t okay you are now going to be punished.” Then be sure to apply the social pressure, “This is not acceptable, and we all know that. When I ask you to stop doing something, it is not okay to continue doing it.” There are a few keys to this; the punishment has to fit the crime, it should be a predictable punishment, you have to immerse yourself emotionally when you deliver the punishment (dryly doling it out makes it feel rote and unfeeling to your child and limits its effectiveness significantly), and you HAVE TO actually follow through with the punishment.

Many parents today fall into the touchy feeling trap of not wanting to come across like a dictator and as such the authority that they should be wielding gets shifted to the child. Children are merely training to be adults, they aren’t yet adults – so don’t shy away from your responsibility to be the authority in the household. You owe it to your child to model what responsible authority looks like. Don’t negotiate it away.

My 7 essential laws of being a Dad – Law #3

3.   Apply social pressure.

I’m always amazed at how many kids behave terribly with their parents, but then turn into (mostly) perfect little soldiers the minute they get around other children (in a structured environment, that is). The reality is that, just like adults, kids feel social pressure. If all the kids in class get in line to go to lunch, little Johnny will likely fall right in line as well. You can use this same social pressure at home too. When I prepared to have my daughter graduate from a crib to a “big girl bed” when she was about 18 months old I heard many horror stories from other parents about how difficult it is to keep your almost “terrible two” in bed once there. So her first night in her new bed I was prepared. I went through my normal routine (bedtime story, prayers, hugs, a few embellished stories from my childhood) and then put her in bed. I left the room and waited at the door. Sure enough, she got right out – realizing that were no longer bars restraining her. I instantly came into the room and acted completely astonished, “No, Kaitlyn – once we get into bed we don’t get out. That’s not okay and it never will be okay.” Two or three nights of the same astonished reaction during that first week did the trick. She quickly realized that “that’s not how we do it.”

I’ve since used this same tactic to enforce proper table manners, stop the interrupting of adults when speaking and with Bennett once he graduated to his own “big boy bed.” And I can also see where I haven’t done it. Not cleaning rooms, jumping on beds and playing soccer in the house were all things that quickly became “socially acceptable” in our home and as such they have become incredibly difficult for me to reverse once I realized the error of my ways.

So keep in mind that this rule is at work whether you are using it or not, and if you don’t use it to your advantage they will quickly use it to theirs.

My 7 essential laws of being a Dad – Law #2

2. Like your kids.

It is obvious that as parents we love our kids, but I see a lot of parents that don’t seem to like their kids.  The reality is that most kids I meet I don’t like either.  They are bratty, self-absorbed and unable to communicate with adults.  I’ve always had the theory that I want to raise little people who I’d want to be around.  Again, so far so good.  There aren’t two people in the world I’d rather spend an afternoon with.  We laugh together, we share inside jokes, we play baseball, soccer and volleyball together – we don’t do any of these things as often as any of the three of us would like, but we certainly enjoy it when we do.

At this point my kids still relish their time with their Father, they seem to constantly be harassing me to take more time off work and spend it with them. I realize that this will change quickly, so I keep trying to remind myself to enjoy it while it lasts and to take advantage of it at every turn.

My 7 essential laws of being a Dad – Law #1

I am by no means a perfect parent.  Often times I’ll spend the last few minutes of my day assessing what I could have done better as a Dad that day, and all too often I have a fairly long list.  But with that said, I get a ton of compliments on my kids and I try very hard to be a good Father.  The only thing I’ve dreamed about longer than being a business owner is being a Dad (I have very distinct memories at age 5 of planning my future family).  Being a Father is something I’m passionate about and I believe to be my highest and most important calling on this earth.  So I thought I’d share my “7 essential laws of being a Dad”.  These are 7 little theories, tactics and strategies that I’ve developed over the years in my effort to be a good Dad.  Following these 7 laws won’t necessarily make you a great parent, but as I developed them over the past 11 years I’ve found that referring back to them often helps to better keep me on my toes.  They are constantly evolving and so far they are working (but my son is only 8 and daughter 11, so check back in a couple years to see if I’m still so proud of my skills).

I’ll do this in a multi-part post, so stay tuned and come back for the rest. Most of all I’m hoping that these posts spark some dialogue, so please comment back with your own “rules” and thoughts on parenting – I’m sure we can all benefit from some shared experiences in this fraught with peril world of parenting.

1. Respect you kids.

Imagine being right in the middle of an incredibly important project at work, one that is occupying every bit of your skill and attention when suddenly your boss walks in and orders you to pick up and leave that very instant.  No time to prepare, no explanation as to why, no discussion as to whether you will get back to this project – just an order to get going now.  You’d probably quit (I know I would).  Well that is exactly what I see many parents do every day at the local park.  Their kids are “working” on something that is occupying every part of their being when suddenly they get the order, “Jonny, it’s time to go now!”  And then the parent wonders why their kid screams and cries every time they leave the park.  This isn’t poor planning or even lack of communication on the part of the parent, it is simply a lack of respect for their children.  I do my best to respect my kids and their passions and interests.  As such, if they are in the middle of something they are enjoying and I know we’ll need to be leaving soon I’ll do what any respectful “boss” would do and give them a quick heads up five minutes in advance with a very simple explanation.  “Kids, we need to leave in 5 so we can be home in time for dinner.”  I then try to count down each minute with another simple warning and message and then I stick to my word when it is time to leave (note: if you don’t leave when you get to zero, this tactic quickly loses its meaning).  This is a simple act of respect for another human being.  Try it at the park and watch it work.  Then you’ll quickly start to find many other examples in daily life where a little bit of respect goes a long way.

Now that I’ve been attempting (I’m a long way from perfect at this) to show my kids respect for their entire lives, I have now developed a new tactic around this law.  When my pre-teen daughter rolls her eyes and talks back to me I can simply say, “Hey Kait, I don’t speak to you that way and I always try to treat you with respect – I expect you to do the same for me.”  That provides a non-threatening way to communicate and remind her that I continue to respect her, but now that she’s 11 I’m going to expect this respect thing to become a two way street.  So far so good, this one line (accompanied by a hug) usually snaps her back to “Daddy’s Girl” mode.  Let’s hope that continues, but I’m guessing this tactic will need some refreshing as we enter the teenage years.