My 7 essential laws of being a Dad – Law #5

5.        Be sure to negotiate.

 

I know, I know – I just said not to.  So don’t negotiate when it comes to misbehavior, but do negotiate when your child wants something from you.  A lot of parents will disagree with me on this one, but I don’t want to raise obedient little robots, I want to raise individuals who will think for themselves and challenge the status quo.  I don’t want my children to blindly follow along with the rules, but rather to question, ask why, bust down a wall every once in a while just to see what’s on the other side. 

 

This is a valiant effort, but I’ll warn you – it’s not for the faint of heart.  Blind obedience is much easier on the parent.  Encouraging the periodic (respectful) uprising can be a real pain in the neck.  But it’s the path I’ve chosen, so I truly encourage my kids to question, negotiate, pander and sweet talk.  Anything they can do with their words to talk me out of or into something is fair game.  This keeps me on my toes, helps them to understand that there is a proper way to get what you want (whining instantly gets a “no” in our household) and hopefully in the long run will create smart people who won’t just go along with the crowd.

 

And along with this tactic, I have instilled a safe word – and this is important.  When I’m done negotiating a particular topic I can simply say, “no, and that’s my final answer” and the negotiations cease.  Without that, I’m sure I would have been hauled off to the nut house years ago (it is a proven fact that kids have much more stamina than an adult).  So tread carefully here, but my money is on the kid who knows how to use his words properly and persuasively by the time they become an adult.

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