We’ve all heard of the New Math where people redefine long standing mathematical laws. It has become apparent to me that Washington is in the process of creating a New Lexicon and is redefining words and phrases to mean something completely different than what the rest of the world recognizes. But not to worry, I’ve been paying close attention and will decipher it for you here. Just consult this friendly guide whenever you see someone pounding their fist and spewing populist blather and you’ll easily be able to understand what they really mean:
“Bailout program” – Buying assets from financial firms at well below any reasonable market rate and then loaning those same firms money at well above current market rates.
“Help for Main Street” – Giving money to people who default on their mortgage and in so doing creating a massive, nation-wide incentive program to default on your mortgage.
“Budget cuts” – Reducing the spending increase from 10% to an increase of 8% in any given year.
“Giveaways to the rich” – Taking (at gunpoint) slightly less money from the 5% of Americans who create 90% of the jobs and will continue to pay 60% of the taxes.
“Stimulus package” – Sending checks to people who haven’t paid income taxes in years.
“Regulation is needed” – The massive amounts of regulation already in place only served to screw things up so that must mean we need more regulation.
